It is now almost a week since the last Wuxi Hash and your scribe is pleased to report that both his breathing and his heart rate have both returned almost – but not quite yet – to normal.

Suzhou Hashers gathered at the Blue Marlin in eager anticipation of another fine hash in the countryside around Wuxi. Soon over 15 people were waiting for the hash minibuses to arrive. The first minibus did duly arrive on time but unfortunately the second hash bus complete with Agatha and the second hash beer cooler was nowhere to be seen. A few phone calls later it was established that Agatha and the driver of the second minibus were having a contest to see who could out stare the other without actually speaking to one another. Finally they arrived at the Blue Marlin, the intrepid Hashers piled into the minibuses and away we went – 30 minutes late (or so we thought).

About 30 minutes into the trip MasterKater’s phone rang it was FootRot enquiring where we were, as we were late for our rendezvous. A quick check of his last email revealed that he had pulled the time of the rendezvous forward by 30 minutes, that plus our own 30 minute late start meant that some serious down down’s in the Wuxi circle were to be expected!

The Suzhou minibuses finally arrived at Venice Gardens in Wuxi to rendezvous with the Wuxi Pack and were soon following their bus to the start of the trail.

Many bewildered and bemused local stood in amazement and the hash buses disgorged their loads and we circled up or the obligatory instructions on signs and details of the days trail.

Then we were off, on the level through the car park and a pleasant park to the foot of Kilimanjaro (I thought that was in Africa?) from there the trail went up, and up, and up and, yes you’ve guessed it UP! Very soon there were no runners or walkers on this trail, just scramblers and stragglers; everyone had to make use of the branches, rocks, anything to hand to pull themselves up the side of the mountain. The few checks that there were proved ineffectual in this terrain, it was one pack plus the stragglers.

Still, as one of the hares was optimistically heard to remark, if you turn around you get a beautiful view of Wuxi and the countryside!

Finally the hashers reached the top of the mountain and then began the long decent, a short section of reasonably level road and trail skirting the road gave a brief respite but then it was the torture by 999 steps – going DOWN. This was certainly not a hash trail for anyone suffering from vertigo!

Finally all the hashers arrived at the circle for well deserved liquid refreshments and sustenance and the festivities began.

The hares Finding Willy, Panda Beer and Sex in the Circle were naturally soon brought into the circle for well deserved down down’s but then “the truth will always out” as they say and this proved to be a case in point when Sex in the Circle spilled the beans and explaining that may the reason for the trail being virtually one straight line up and one straight line down, was that in true hash tradition, Panda Beer  had been out drinking the night before and only arrived home at 6 am to prepare for trail setting at 8.

The usual charges were made against various hashers present in the circle but not before our GM  MasterKater was called into the circle for her oversight in not spotting the change in the meeting time, her attempts to switch the blame to Agatha for his late arrival at Blue Marlin appeared to fall on deaf ears and she was made to drink a down down.

As is now becoming customary the circle soon attracted a crowd of the local population eager to watch and find out what these mad people were doing. Soon our own would be Lothario of the Long Trail had found a new (female) friend who he gallantly invited to join our revelry in the circle.

However all too soon the supply of Wuxi beer ran out and, as the Suzhou beer was stored safe in our minibuses which were unfortunately parked some distance from the gathering, FootRot had to bring the circle to a close and the hashers retired to the Bash.

The Bash was held in what was a rather nice, upmarket, restaurant a short drive from the circle, the food was good as was the service. As usual as soon as the serious business of eating ended the Hash revelries began. More charges were made, more down downs took place until they were brought to an abrupt halt by the appearance of a ghostly apparition – covered it must be said in what looked suspiciously like one of the pink tablecloths from the restaurant! The Suzhou RA, Tiny Tim and Agatha attempted to perform a duet based roughly on and around the beer prayer – mental note: next time try it sober, before the bash!!!

At the end of the meal and the close of the bash revelries, the Suzhou hashers re-boarded their mini buses for the journey back to civilisation and the welcoming Blue Marlin. The trip back proved to be quite eventful, with the young ladies present being treated (if that is indeed the right word) to the sight of someone’s hairy butt - and a lot of other things - hanging out of the window of one of the Suzhou mini buses (although don’t get the wrong idea, the “other things” were not really what you could call a “lot”!). Such was the sight that young ladies became hysterical and strong men fainted. However to try to preserve someone’s dignity the name of the culprit will not printed on this page – rather like a Suzhou Murder Mystery perhaps?

On arriving back in Suzhou several hashers were seen to disappear inside the Blue Marlin for just a little more liquid refreshment to replace the fluids lost on the storming of Kilimanjaro. Quick Cautionary Note here for all female hashers: Do NOT stand in front of the big screen TV when there is an important football match being televised. This crime is even worse than that of certain hashers being caught drinking their own beer in the Blue Marlin – which they were but as one hasher was heard to say “what do you expect when you charge 28 rmb for a bottle of beer” and that just about brought the hash festivities to a close.