HASH TRASH 10th July --The Wet One – A Tale of Two Halves
Not meaning to cause alarm or concern to members of Suzhou Hash your scribe can now inform you that the lead Hare, and our Hare Raiser LTTB, finally got the other Hares to the start of the run in Tongli after many “are you sure this is the right way?” accompanied by an equal number of “OK we will turn round and try the other way then”
However as always, I am pleased to report that despite this inauspicious start we still managed to maintain our 100% record and didn’t actually lose anyone, least of all the Hares!
All the other Hashers met safely at the Blue Marlin and shepherded by MK and Phantom Flasher proceeded by bus to the start of the run, once again it was a good turnout with 30 Hares and Harriets. However it was not just the bus that arrived safely, it also brought with it monsoon like rain of biblical proportions to totally erase and destroy all the carefully set marks, was this Hash going to have to be changed to a live Hare run?
A blatant quick Commercial on behalf of the Haberdasher, Sausage Supporter - It was disappointing to note that only a few Suzhou Hashers were seen to be wearing our snazzy new headgear and even less wearing our tee shirts.
Rising to the challenge trainee Hare Sam set off to try and renew the marks as a semi-live Hare, luckily the monsoon rain had made the first part of the trail nice and shiggy, with many Hashers feeling 30cm taller due to the amount of mud clinging to the bottom of their trainers – pity anyone trying out new trainers, what a baptism of fire.
In a true sense of Hash fair play FootRot (all on his own because Puss ‘n Boots was visiting friends and family in Singapore) graciously held the pack back at a couple of strategic points to allow Sam to maintain his head start.
TT and Phantom Flasher acted as “sweeper ups” and followed at a safe distance.
After half scaring to dead a lot of the local and domesticated wildlife the main body of the hash arrived at a daunting physical barrier – a river, at the opposite side of which was the tantalising vision of LTTB, Dessy and the Beer Stop. A pleasant boat crossing got most of the Hashers over safe and dry, unfortunately TwoCocks and PhoneSex couldn’t wait for their turn to cross in the boat and plunged headlong into the river to swim across (postscript – the river must have been cleaner and safer than it looked because fortuitously both turned up safe and well for the July 25th Hash)
The difference between the two sides of the river could not be more marked, on one side absolutely no marks whatsoever, the monsoon rain doing a better job than a Suzhou cleaner at totally washing them away, on the opposite bank the marks were pristine and untouched.
So to a cry of On On off went the pack for part 2 which took the pack through a beautiful wooded country park, although the effect was somewhat spoiled by the majority of the walkers taking a shortcut and missing probably the best part of the park, the runners however did enjoy everything the park had to offer – bird sh*t and all!
Here it must be reported that our GM – MK – true to form stuck doggedly to the true walkers trail to complete it in its entirety.
The trail then took the pack through more open countryside and farmers’ fields, which caused quite a stir amongst the local populous, it is not everyday that a great pack of crazy laowai’s come running past their houses.
Finally after a run along the lakeshore and through numerous paddies, the welcoming On In sign hove into view.
The Circle -- Much to his relief Sam got the opportunity to pass the Suzhou Hash symbol of support on to Cunning Linguist. Several Hashers new to Suzhou enjoyed a few Down Down’s in the circle, the usual accusations and charges were made and the down downs were many; but the best was yet to come when, for the heinous crime of registering for the Qingdao Nash Hash a) on his own and b) without declaring himself to be a Suzhou Hasher, our own LTTB was quite rightly made to sit on a block of ice, needless to say he was kept sitting there long enough for the imprint of his ar*e to be moulded into the ice. There then followed a despicable shameful act, infamy infact, LTTB made terrible accusations against our own RA, Tiny Tim which resulted in him, an English Gentleman, having to sit on the block of ice AFTER a blady German! Those members of Suzhou Hash who were being disrespectful by not wearing their Suzhou Haberdashery were also invited into the circle for a Down Down – be warned!
The Bash – the circle was conveniently held in the courtyard of the restaurant so following a quick verse of “Swing Low” the Hashers entered the restaurant, for good food enjoyed in the usual friendly atmosphere. All too soon it was time to re-board the bus and return to SIP where once again several Hashers were seen to sneak into the Blue Marlin for a medicinal nightcap, purely to help them sleep you understand.
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